Key Takeaways:
- Staying sober during the holidays can be harder because of what’s happening around the alcohol, not just the alcohol itself.
- Make plans you’ll actually want to follow when things get difficult.
- You don’t owe anyone an explanation for not drinking.
- Family dynamics and grief can bring up the urge to drink even years into recovery.
- The holidays can sometimes make a drinking problem easier to see, for you or someone who loves you.
- There’s no perfect time to start treatment. December and January can both be reasonable choices depending on your situation.
The happiest time of the year isn’t always particularly happy. In fact, all that pressure to be cheerful can make a hard time feel even harder. If you’re anxious, grieving, dealing with family stuff, or just completely overwhelmed, being surrounded by people who seem to be having a wonderful time can make you feel even more alone in it.
And then there’s just the disruption of it all. You’re sleeping differently, spending money you may not have, traveling, eating at weird times. The routines that normally keep you somewhat grounded can go right out the window.
Alcohol is everywhere, of course. But sometimes that’s almost the least of it. You’re also spending time with people you may normally love from a very comfortable distance. You have more unstructured time. Maybe you’re missing someone who isn’t there this year.
And it goes on for weeks. From late November through New Year’s, there can be a lot more coming at you than usual. That’s why staying sober during the holidays can be about a whole lot more than simply avoiding alcohol.
Make a Plan Before the Events Arrive
It’s one thing to make a perfect plan for staying sober at a holiday event. Following it when you’re actually there can be a whole lot harder. So be realistic when you make the plan. Think about what you’ll actually be willing and able to do when the night gets harder than you expected.
Maybe that means skipping the party you already know you don’t want to attend. If you do go, decide ahead of time how long you want to stay and take your own car so you can leave when you’re ready. Have someone you can text who knows what you’re doing and why.
And give yourself something to look forward to. Your plan doesn’t have to be all about what you can’t do. Maybe leaving the party early means going home to watch a movie you’ve been saving or ordering something ridiculous for dessert. Give yourself a reason to actually want to follow through with the plan you made.
Keep the plan realistic and easy to follow. The best plan isn’t the most impressive one. It’s the one you’re actually likely to use when you need it.
What to Say When Someone Offers You a Drink
One of the weird things about not drinking is that sometimes it seems to make other people more uncomfortable than it makes you. A simple “no thanks” can suddenly turn into questions about why you’re not drinking, whether you quit completely, or why you can’t have just one.
You don’t owe anyone an interesting answer.
- “No thanks, I’m good.”
- “I’m not drinking tonight.”
If someone keeps pushing, you don’t need to keep coming up with new explanations. You already answered them. Change the subject if you want to, and if they still won’t let it go, you can walk away.
And try not to take someone else’s persistence too personally. Sometimes your decision not to drink brings up something about their own relationship with alcohol. Whatever is behind it, you don’t have to make them comfortable with your decision.
When the Hard Part Is Family, Not Alcohol
People talk a lot about avoiding alcohol when you’re trying to stay sober. But sometimes you can sit in a room full of alcohol and be perfectly fine. Then one person makes one comment and suddenly you’d really, really like a drink.
Because alcohol isn’t always the trigger. Sometimes it’s your own brain responding to a stressful day or money worries. Sometimes it’s that one family member who somehow knows exactly which button to push. The alcohol is just what your brain remembers made that stuff easier to tolerate.
And families are particularly good at this. You can grow and change all year long, then walk into a holiday gathering and somehow feel 15 again within half an hour. Old roles come back. Someone comments on your recovery. Somebody brings up the one subject you really didn’t want to discuss over dinner.
You don’t have to avoid everyone to protect your sobriety. Maybe you stay for two hours instead of six. Maybe there are subjects you simply aren’t discussing this year. New Leaf Detox & Treatment also offers family therapy when those dynamics are part of what’s happening.
The important part is knowing what actually makes you want to drink. Sometimes the bottle sitting across the room has a whole lot less to do with it than the person sitting across the table.
Grief, Anniversaries, and the Empty Chair
The holidays can make grief feel fresh again. That may be especially true the first year after losing someone, but it can happen years later too. A tradition you shared or simply noticing who isn’t at the table can bring the loss right back to the surface.
Things may not go back to the way they were, because someone important is missing. So give yourself permission to make new ways of doing things. Keep a tradition if it brings you comfort. If it hurts too much this year, change it. You’re allowed to figure out what the holidays look like now instead of trying to recreate what they used to be.
It can also help to tell someone close to you that the day might be hard. And if grief makes you want to drink, try not to judge yourself for that feeling. Wanting relief from something painful makes sense. Drinking just may not give you the kind of relief you actually need.
If grief becomes unbearable or you’re worried you might hurt yourself, call or text 988 for immediate crisis support.
When the Holidays Show You It Is Time for Detox
Sometimes a little fresh perspective can bring something you’ve been avoiding right to the surface. Maybe you see a family member you haven’t seen in months and notice their reaction to how much you’re drinking. Or maybe having the holidays in your face makes something you’ve known for a while harder to ignore.
You may notice you’re drinking before everyone gets together so nobody sees how much you’ve had. Maybe you’re waking up shaky or needing a drink earlier just to feel okay. Things that were easier to explain away during your normal routine can suddenly look different.
And maybe you’re reading this because it’s someone you love. If you haven’t seen them in a while, changes may be easier to see. You can call New Leaf even if you’re not the person who needs treatment. The admissions team can help you understand what happens next.
If you’re not ready to call, New Leaf’s alcoholism quiz or drinking problem quiz can be a low-pressure place to start.
But if you’ve been drinking heavily every day or regularly taking benzodiazepines, don’t suddenly stop on your own over a holiday weekend. Alcohol and benzodiazepine withdrawal can be fatal without medical supervision. New Leaf can help determine whether detox is appropriate. If you have severe withdrawal symptoms, seek emergency medical care.
Should You Wait Until January?
If you wait for the perfect time to do something difficult, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be waiting forever. There will always be a reason this week isn’t ideal. The holidays just happen to come with some particularly convincing ones.
Maybe you don’t want to miss Christmas with your family. You have work obligations, or you don’t want everyone knowing what’s going on. Sometimes the problem is much more practical: Who takes care of the dog? What happens to everything at home while you’re gone?
Those are real considerations. But before you automatically decide to wait until January, it’s worth finding out what starting now would actually look like. Medical detox at New Leaf typically lasts 3 to 9 days, and admissions are open year-round, including holidays. There’s also a dog-friendly track that can be arranged before you arrive.
On the other hand, January may be perfectly reasonable. If you’re medically stable and have a real plan for getting through the rest of December, waiting a few weeks doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
There may never be a perfect time. The question is whether waiting makes things easier to manage or simply gives you more time to avoid something you already know you want to change.
Start the New Year Out of Withdrawal, Not in It
If you decide you’re ready to find out what treatment would look like, you can start with a phone call. You’ll talk with a coordinator about what’s been going on, and New Leaf Detox and Treatment will verify your insurance benefits. The clinical team then reviews your information to determine whether detox is the right place to start.
If it is, you’ll come to New Leaf’s Laguna Niguel location for intake, and the withdrawal protocol can begin that day. Bring your photo ID and insurance card, along with any prescriptions in their original bottles.
New Leaf admits 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including holidays, for adults 18 and older. Medical detox and residential treatment are available in the same building.
Insurance verification is free and doesn’t commit you to treatment. And if detox isn’t what you need, New Leaf would rather tell you that on the phone than bring you into a level of care that isn’t right for you.
FAQs About Staying Sober During the Holidays
How do I stay sober at a holiday party?
Make your decisions before you get there. Know how long you want to stay, have your own way home, and give yourself permission to leave if staying starts to feel like a bad idea.
What do I say when someone keeps pushing me to drink?
A simple “I’m not drinking tonight” is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. If someone won’t let it go, you’re allowed to end the conversation or walk away.
Is it a bad idea to go to detox during the holidays?
Not necessarily. New Leaf admits clients year-round, including holidays, and detox typically lasts 3 to 9 days. But if you’re medically stable and have support, January may also be a reasonable time to start.
Can I bring my dog if I go to treatment over the holidays?
New Leaf has a pet-friendly track that is arranged before arrival. Tell your coordinator about your dog during the first call so they can discuss the available option with you.
Is it dangerous to stop drinking suddenly over a holiday weekend?
Yes, it can be. Alcohol and benzodiazepine withdrawal can be fatal without medical supervision. If you have severe withdrawal symptoms, seek emergency medical care. If you’re in emotional crisis, call or text 988.
How do I get through the first holiday after losing someone?
Let the holiday be different. Keep traditions that feel comforting and change the ones that don’t. You don’t have to recreate the holidays exactly as they were before your loss.
