Recognizing whether a partner has a drinking problem can be difficult, but several key behavioral and physical signs stand out. Common indicators include needing alcohol at every event, a rising tolerance, dramatic personality changes when drinking, physical withdrawal symptoms like shaking or nausea between drinks, financial or legal troubles, and visible tension whenever alcohol is unavailable. While a single symptom is not an official diagnosis, experiencing several of these signs together strongly points toward Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD).
This condition affects millions of individuals and families across the country. According to the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH)—data regularly published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)—an estimated 28.9 million adults aged 18 and older in the U.S. had Alcohol Use Disorder in the past year. If you suspect someone you care about is struggling with alcohol misuse, recognizing these warning signs is the first step toward getting them the help and support they need. Below, we break down the most common signs of alcoholism and outline practical steps you can take to address the situation safely.
1. Every Occasion Alcohol Is Present
There are times when having a glass or two of an alcoholic beverage is okay. Still, when you find that every time you and your significant other are in a social situation, alcohol is present, that’s one of the main signs you’re dating an alcoholic. Even if you attend an occasion where no alcohol is present, your partner will find a way to get some.
You might also begin to notice that your partner only wants to attend events where they know there will be alcohol available for them to drink.
2. Increased Alcohol Tolerance
Someone that has an issue with alcohol will have built up a tolerance over time. This means that even after they’ve had multiple drinks, it doesn’t appear to others around them that they’re intoxicated.
Dating someone with alcohol issues who built a tolerance to it means that they will need to consume more alcohol to achieve the same effects.
3. Personality Changes While Drinking
Dating someone with an alcohol issue is like dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment they are the person you love, charming, funny, and easy to be around. The next minute you don’t know who you’re talking to.
When a person has drunk in excess, they begin to show signs of mood changes. While some alcoholics become energetic and loud, others become angry and lash out at people around them.
Nonetheless, if you’re looking for tips for dating an alcoholic, one thing we can tell you is to be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster. Things change in the blink of an eye, and it can catch you off guard if you’ve not noticed the signs of alcoholism before.
4. Withdrawal
After drinking, it’s a matter of time before the body has cleansed itself of all toxins. For alcoholics, when they no longer have alcohol in their systems, they will enter into what’s known as withdrawal.
The symptoms of withdrawal differ for everyone, but include:
- Nausea
- Shaking
- Irritability
- Vomiting
Until they’re able to get another drink, these symptoms of withdrawal will continue to intensify. Someone with an alcohol issue will begin to feel these effects minutes to hours after they’ve had their last alcoholic beverage.
5. Drinking Is the Root of Their Problems
Have they recently lost a job? Or perhaps they’ve destroyed relationships that used to matter to them?
When a person becomes consumed by addiction, nothing else in their life matters except chasing that feeling. Someone amid an alcohol addiction will stop caring about other responsibilities like going to work or paying bills.
They will begin to do things like lie to people they love and manipulate them into providing funds to help fuel their habit. If anything or anyone stands in the way of them and a drink, the situation could turn ugly in the blink of an eye.
6. Legal Issues
Drinking reduces your cognitive ability to reason and make sound decisions. Every 52 minutes, one person is involved in an accident where a drunk driver is the cause of what happened. Being involved in an accident could not only threaten the life of you and your partner, but it could also lead to legal problems for them. They can be arrested and charged with a DUI.
Depending on where you live, the consequences for a DUI could be any of the following:
- Time in jail
- Paying a fine
- Community service
- License suspension
Again, the consequences and their severity depend on where you live, as well as on the number of DUIs your partner has had in the past. When someone has been drinking, they should never be allowed to get behind a car’s wheel and operate it.
7. Family History of Alcoholism
Some people come from families where alcoholism runs deep for many generations, and your significant other may come from this type of family. They’ve become desensitized to what alcohol does to people because they’ve seen it play out for many years.
It’s only natural that as they matured into adulthood, they too began to drink, which led to an alcohol abuse issue. Not having solid examples around you can cause you to think things like excessive alcohol consumption is something that everyone does when it’s not.
There are studies that seek to show a link between people’s genetics and alcoholism.
8. On Edge Without Alcohol
Consuming alcohol can calm someone in ways that they aren’t used to. Another sign that you’re dating an alcoholic is if they appear to be stressed out when they’re not drinking.
As soon as they get a few drops of alcohol in their body, they are in a much better mood, and they’re able to interact with those around them.
Early Red Flags in the First Six Months of Dating
Early dating hides a lot. Most dates are built around a bar, you are both on best behavior, and heavy drinking reads as fun rather than a pattern. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) counts more than four drinks a day or fourteen a week as heavy drinking for men, and more than three a day or seven a week for women. Count a few Saturdays against that.
What shows up early:
- Every date suggestion involves alcohol, and quieter alternatives get turned down
- They drink before they meet you, so the first round is not the first drink
- Morning plans get canceled often, with a new reason each time
- Defensiveness far out of proportion when you raise it lightly
Two or three of these inside six months usually mean the pattern is older than the relationship.
Enabling and Codependency in a Relationship With an Alcoholic
Partners rarely set out to protect someone’s drinking. It starts as kindness. You drive so they can drink. You smooth things over with their friends. You call their manager on a Monday morning. You keep wine in the house so there is no scene about going out for more. Every one of those removes a consequence, and consequences are usually what move someone toward treatment.
Codependency inside a couple has its own shape. Your mood starts tracking their drinking. You count their drinks silently. You cancel your own plans in case something happens. Slowly you become the person managing the drinking rather than the person in the relationship.
Stepping out of that role is not abandonment. Our page on how addiction affects relationships covers the wider damage, and family therapy at New Leaf gives couples a structured place to work through it.
Signs You’re Dating an Alcoholic
There are several signs you’re dating an alcoholic, starting with them only wanting to attend events where alcohol will be present or having a family history of alcohol abuse. If your partner struggles with drinking, it’s important they receive professional support to achieve sobriety and restore your relationship. Contact New Leaf Detox & Treatment at (866) 932-0905. The facility offers specialized programs and professional expertise to help individuals overcome addiction.
How to Raise Alcohol With Your Partner
Timing decides how this goes. Pick a moment when they are sober, rested and not hungover, in private, and away from an argument about something else. Conversations that happen mid-drink are not remembered.
Stay with what you saw and how it landed on you:
- “You had eight drinks on Saturday and I could not wake you the next morning. That frightened me.”
- “I have started planning our weekends around whether there will be alcohol.”
- “I am not asking you to agree with me tonight. I am asking you to see a doctor.”
Leave the word alcoholic out of the first conversation. It turns the talk into an argument about a label instead of about behavior. Expect denial, expect anger, and expect to raise it more than once. Decide beforehand what you will do if nothing changes, then hold it.
What to Do If the Signs You Are Dating an Alcoholic Add Up
Seeing the pattern is not the same as fixing it. A clinical assessment settles two questions fast: how heavy the dependence is, and whether stopping is safe without supervision.
- If they shake, sweat or feel sick between drinks, do not let them quit cold at home. Alcohol withdrawal can trigger seizures, which is why medically supervised alcohol detox exists.
- If they will not talk about it, New Leaf’s intervention services can help you plan one.
- If you need support of your own, Al-Anon and similar partner groups meet across Orange County. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) helpline is free and confidential.
Call New Leaf Detox & Treatment at (866) 932-0905, or start a confidential benefits check online. You can call about someone else, and you do not need their permission to do it.
